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worried I'm really upset.
It doesn't help that I didn't get to see Curtis this weekend save for a work party & sleeping @ my house Friday night and a short visit @ Chops's house Saturday...
It doesn't help that I'm getting a nagging headache and it's making looking through my left eye quite uncomfortable.
It doesn't help that Laura and I had to upt up with a load of drunk, annoying 16 year olds all weekend.
It doesn't help that Rachel woke me up at 5:50am when she got up for school this morning (yes, I babysat a 16 year old for 3 nights).
It doesn't help that I went to the mall this weekend even though I dread doing that and found pretty much nothing that I went there for.
But it certainly doesn't help that someone I care very much about decided to admit on Saturday that he's been doing coke at least 3 times a day for the past 2 months. No, it's not Curtis so just stop thinking that madness right now. He's just a friend, but one who I feel like I have some sort of responsibility to because he has been there every time I needed him in the past year (with the exception of November & December, obviously) for any reason. He has bailed on me and my friends a ton of times lately, and complains about money constantly. I'm so not surprised now. But the thought of all this makes me completely ill. Just the visual of him wasting away in a tweaked-out stupor for the rest of his life makes me want to vomit. I know some peple go through their phases, but I know that as long as he lives at this house, in the same company, this will continue to be a problem.
He told us that he has given himself 11 months to get his shit together and get a carreer on track, but I have a feeling that 11 months is just a huge cop-out. That's 11 months to fall further into this mess and to come up with excuses as to why he can't get himself out. 11 months of ignoring his friends and blowing people off. 11 months of wasting his money and not getting himself on his feet like he was supposed to. Then what? At the end of 11 months he'll just spring from his cave refreshed and full of motivation? I seriously doubt it.
I want to show up at his bedroom door and yell at him for being so stupid. I want to tell him that me & his friends & my friend that he was dating won't wait around for him forever. I want him to know that we support him, but supporting someone doesn't mean that we have to sit by and watch him wreck his life and then make it our responsibility to help him pick up the pieces when he's ready to be complete again. Maybe he just needs a dose of reality but I don't know how to give it to him. I feel desperate. I feel like I should toss a bum $100 to burn his house down to get him out of there. I just don't know what else to do. I mean, he's one of my best friends and I can't just pretend like I don't know what's going on.
So now I'm torn. Is it more important to risk our friendship and show him some tough love, or do I keep my mouth shut and hope that he makes it out alive and save myself from a series of arguments and hateful words?
December 5 2005, 19:38:30 UTC 6 years ago
the best way to convince him is not by yelling or crying or screaming, as theraputic for you it may sound. you need to show tough love but be yourself. tell him it's his life or the drugs.. seriously, that's what got me clean. he can either have friends and family or a drug that isn't really helping. it may seem like it is, and hell, it IS fun, but in the long run, it's not worth it.
and don't just tell him once. tell him every day, until he stops. consistency is the key.
he's probably gonna blow you off when you try and talk about it. but don't let your feelings get the best of you. keep at it.. no matter how much it hurts.
and get backup - you can't do this alone. no one is superman enough to fight someone on drugs, let alone coke, the power drug. coke is all about power and feeling like you can take on the world. it's like the manic part of bipolar.
good look, chay. you can do it.
December 5 2005, 19:43:31 UTC 6 years ago
I was going to take the obstructionist approach. I can filibuster for days if need be.
I don't know why I even wonder if it's the right thing to do. I chose not to speak to Eric's parents in 10th grade and he's dead now. Funny how stubbornly we hang on to our comfort zones when we know it's wrong.
December 5 2005, 20:05:39 UTC 6 years ago
Write down November 2, 2006 (11 months from now) and hold him to it.
Coke: "Hey, Chae! How's it going?"
You: "I'm not sure. Today is January 2 -- you have ten months to go. How IS it going?"
December 5 2005, 20:09:58 UTC 6 years ago
I lost one friend because I knew I should open my mouth and I didn't. I don't think I can do it again.